Friday, June 29, 2007

Crash! and Par-tay

I'll get right to the point. Mrs. S and I crashed a wedding. I mean, mostly. We're good friends of the family and the bride's older sister is Mrs. Y so we knew about it, and decided to attend the festivities. Back off people--we're sending a gift. A very nice gift in fact. (Monogrammed, no less!)

When we arrived to sit down I immediately pointed out Mrs. Y's mother-in-law, whom I'm certain must be my real mother. We sat down with her and she was super excited to see us.

Mrs Y's MIL: I didn't know you girls were coming!
Me: Neither does (Bride)!

Then we roared with laughter, right there in the church.

Mrs. S and I were each other's dates. My husband refused to go on the grounds that what we were doing was "redneck." Hmph, he would know, I've been to his hometown!

However nothing strayed Mrs. S and I. I mean, there was an open bar, and it was at one of the swankiest places in town. And you know how Mrs. S is, so we had to go. Truthfully people, this wedding soiree needed us! Otherwise, no one would have started the conga line in that stuffy bunch!

Here are the pics: go ahead, guffaw if you will. I don't mind.

My two favorite girls: Mrs. Y and Mrs. S:

Baby Got Back:

My Humps, and Mr. Y's Humps:

And then I groped his boob! (somewhere around glass 4 or 5) Hey-hubs should have came!:

Mother of the Bride, YMCA Style. I so love this family! We even had her enjoying the what would have been utter stuffiness:

For the love of all that is good in this world, LOOK what we started:

Because this is a pricless picture of me and Mrs. Y, the bartenders loved us:

Pour Some Sugar On Me

As Hank says: "All My Rowdy Friends Have Settled Down":

What? Last Call?

Ok, who's driving us home?

This is normal, really it is:

Hope the dealership liked what we did to the rental Infiniti G35:

Mrs. Y and her Mom:Mrs. S, The lady who must be my real mother, me:

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Another Posing Question: Bathtubs

Internet--we're hopeless! Apparently everyone has this issue with their knives, but the only suggestion came from Kelley who said to cut an onion with them. At least that's what she heard. If you have any other suggestions, PLEASE go over there and let us all know.

Today, I have another question. I know, I know, I've been a bit needy lately. But I promise that tomorrow I have some funny pictures that will make it all worthwhile. Just you wait!

My (whisper) bathtubs are a bit dirty. You see, they have this shady gray stain like around the bottom. I clean my bathtubs, really I do! I'm probably the most freakishly clean person you know, or read. Anyway, I can't seem to get rid of this no matter what I do. I scrub with cleaners and I've used brushes and it's still there. Help me Internet! Oh, I think my bathtubs are just the plastic-ish kind if that helps. They're all this way and all have that gunky residue even the ones that are only used when guests visit. Please Internet, I'm imploring more assistance.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Stainless Assistance

First, go visit my friend Brittny (then come back because I have a pressing question for you!) She has a crush on me and I kind got all giddy inside when I read it. You see, I was a lurker at Brittny's place on her old blog. I lurked and lurked before I ever commented. To learn that we have mutual crushes was exciting. I think we'll start dating soon. She likes chicken and dumplin's you know.

Truthfully, Brittny made my day when I read her blog, it has a been a not so great day(s) and that made me smile.

Ok, you back? I have a big question. My stainless steel knives are well, staining. I have a big block of kitchen aid that we recieved as a wedding gift, so they're a little over a year old. They are getting little rust like spots on them and I'm not sure why or how to clean them. I only handwash them and they don't sit in water very long. I usually sit them in the dry sink and was them all at once and dry immediatly and put them away. So, any suggestions? How can I get them all sparkly again?

While you're at it, some of my flatware is doing the same. Of course, (ahem, J) I may just (really, honey!) need new flatware (real bad) because our current set is about two years old (really need new flatware!). I bought it for myself just before we were engaged and we never registered for it because it wasn't necessary.

Please people--help me! Please, please, pretty please.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Conversations* with my Hubby

Conversation One

J: Cupcake, I sometimes feel like I'm the only one who takes care of our landscaping and waters the flowers.

Me: That's because you are.

Conversation Two

J: I clean. I've dusted and that one time I cleaned the hall toilet.

Me: Ha Ha Ha Ha Har Dee Har Har (chuckle, cackle, snort, snort).

J: (not looking amused)

Me: Oh, you were serious?

J: Yes I am serious, who are you?

Me: Frank.**
Conversation Three

Me: That's the problem, you put things off and I just don't get it.

J: This is just now surprising you?

Me: One day when we're old and gray it will make me tick and we'll be in divorce court after 50 years.

J: Nah, I'd put off signing the papers.

*Disclaimer: We really are loving happy people. You just have to be present to enjoy the satirical, witty banter.

**Proof: I am the Rev's daughter.

The Stalking Paparazzi Are To Blame

Hello there dear Internet. I've decided that I've been a little to free with some information I've thrown about here and therefore need to up the ante on making my blog a bit more anonymous. Until I've completed all of the changes, I'm going to be invitation only. So, if you'd like to keep reading (and I certainly hope that you do!) please send me an email so I can add you to the list.
themrsm (at) gmail (dot) com.

Monday, June 25, 2007

I Should Have Had Wine

Because then I'd at least have reached this hungover feeling state enjoyably (is that a word? I'm going to go with yes.)

Internet--I'm spent! J and I are attempting to catch up from not only this weekend, but every previous weekend traveling to visit his family. I'm also overwhelmed by all of your kind comments and emails. Thank you all so much for sending your condolences. J and his family are doing very well. They are all of course, very sad, but also very relieved I think. His grandad was a wonderful man and I'm not sure I've ever met anyone more ready for Heaven than he was.

This entire weekend resurfaced memories of the (too many) funerals that I've attended. Truthfully, I think the whole American funeral (process/procedures/traditions) are horribly morbid and depressing. The only thing I'm on board with is the Southern food. I'm not sure if y'all do it in other places, but the Southern food at funerals in the South is rather fabulous. (And as Jenny says, "Everyone knows you can't turn down the church ladies Mrs. M!).

I'd never experienced a (wake/receiving friends) with a receiving line as this one had. Yeah-a receiving line! His wife and kids had to stand next to him all night. Thus when you go thru the line you're forced to look at a corpse whether you want to or not. The line was so long (told you his grandad was wonderful) that these people deserved a treat at the end. Seriously, it was like an amusement park. They at least should have had a big slide and corn dog when they got there. Dippin' dots? Funnel cake? All such events that I'd ever attended had pews or rows of chairs where people would sit. The family was seated on a sofa at the front of the room and individuals could come speak when they'd like to.

I, however, don't care for either option. I don't like open casket anything. My grandparents were open casket, my dad was not. It sucked, but it made it easier. My last memories of my dad are not those of him in a casket. Personally, when I die I'd like for everyone to "receive friends" at the country club with cocktails and hors devours. I'm going to start saving now so you can all leave with a bottle of Beringer tied with a monogrammed ribbon. I mean sure, you can miss me, but party it up people because I'm not coming back!

I'm not even sure I want to be buried. Sure, people may visit for a bit but then you're just forgotten about and you're taking up land space. Even if you're lying with your loved ones--it's a dead shell. Your soul is gone. I have faith that I'll be in Heaven and never know about that. I'm thinking I'd like to be cremated and spread somewhere. Lots of places even: parks, lakes, fertilzing hydrangea bushes since mine are not blooming. I suppose J and I will hash out these details when we make wills and such upon having children.

You know what else I don't get. Funeral pictures. WHAT THE? I don't want to scrapbook those and look back. Some of those images are permenantly seared in my mind anyway and frankly, I'd like to forget them.

I feel like people expect me to have such words of wisdom and be so sympathetic during funerals because I've dealt with it a lot. (Grandma, Grandpa, and Dad 4 years. We were dropping like flies.) But, I'm not. I'm sorry, really I am. But all I really feel I can say is "sure does suck!" I blame my childhood. I was never nurtured and taught to express a lot of feelings when it came to greiving/sorrow/sadness/etc. and I think it's really messed me up. I'd like to learn these characteristics so I don't raise messed up children. (Who am I kidding? I'll most likely raise messed up children no matter what--HA!). Oh- and when people expect me to be so understanding when they lost their dad. WHAT? Your dad was nearly 90. My dad was 48. You're 60, I was 22. There's a difference. I'm sure it's still hard, but you have no idea. I'm obviously bitter and a bit jaded.

Put down the stones-these are merely my thoughts and opinions and you don't have to agree with them. I realize that everyone grieves and handles things differently. I often strike into action mode and bring out my bitter, dry, sarcastic, and slightly offensive humor. For example, when my grandad died and I learned it was going to cost a whopping two thousand dollars to transport his body to WV, I humbly offered myself with "What? Buckle him up in the back of the little red rocket! He'd want me to have that cash!" By the way, that's illegal.

When my dad died, I sprung into action. (As you know, my mother is (to put it nicely) certifiable. If you're just tuning in, hello there! My mother is (to put it nicely) certifiable.) Little Brother wanted to take him to WV with our grandparents so I began making calls. Since I already knew that throwing him the car wasn't an option, I ponied up the cash. When arriving at the funeral home (the funeral home as in there are no others in the village) in WV the funeral director was definately shocked since she and my dad were high school friends and she'd not yet had to do this for a friend. When I met with her she told me he hadn't yet arrived and that her son was bringing him and he'd be there around 7. "Hmph, I knew he'd be late for his funeral, who is he calling Lolly* now?" I think she nearly fell over. I remember picking out the casket and thinking they were all a little shiny and fru-fru for my dad. Then I spotted the lovely hardwood version in the corner. "Well, he always wanted hardwood floors, may as well give him a hardwood ceiling too." That time, she indeed fell over.

See, told you I had an offensive and morbid sense of humor in such times.

Well, since I've not held back, so go ahead Internet and tell me how you feel about funerals and all that goes with it.

*My dad used to call me "Lolly" because he said I "Lolly-gagged" and took my dear sweet time. This nickname also played into the name of my monogramming business La La Lollipop.

Summer Swap '07 Follow Up

Did you do Summer Swap '07? You should have because it was a good time! I totally was supposed to post this last week but didn't get to. However, I'm very grateful to my wonderful partner Brandy for the box of goodies that she sent. Take a look:

My goodies included:

  • All the goodies to make s'mores! YUM! J and I have a fire bowl on the patio and love making s'mores out there.
  • Strawberry daiquiri drink mix for umbrella drinks. (Does she know me or what?)
  • A fabulous recipes for a fourth of July flag cake that I'm really excited to try.
  • A brightly striped beach tote that is perfect for our vacations this summer as well as trips to the pool and lake.
  • Cute flips flops with iridescent sequined straps. Love them!
  • And last but not least a set of three mini nail polishes all in shades of pink that were on my nails as soon as I opened the box.

Brandy-You're the best. I LOOOOOVED my goodies. Thanks for being a wonderful partner.

Brittny-my sincere apologies that your package was mailed late when it should have been mailed early since it was International but I hope the goodies were worth the wait!

Lastly, many thanks to Jenny for organizing such a fun little event.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Brief Hiatus

I have sad news today. J's grandfather died last night. If you could say a little prayer for our family, we'd really appreciate it. I'll be back soon.

Monday, June 18, 2007


can't form complete sentences-so tired-laugh at caffeine and it's insufficient powers-only at my house to sleep-need sleep-road trips catching up with me-old-yes old-good times-mile long to do list-cranky-tired-busy-sleepy-diet coke-post its-eating coffee beans-planner-schedule-projects-will cry at any moment-send itunes gift cards

Friday, June 15, 2007

Helicopter Anyone?

This weekend J and I need to visit his grandad, 2 hours north of here. We also need to be at a shower for our dear friends 2 hours south of here. And also, we need to be here, tomorrow night for a wedding. Oh, and tonight I'll be here babysitting. And in my downtime I need to finish the wedding veil so that at the shower Mrs. O-to-be can try it on. (Do you have any idea how tedious it is to work with tulle and ribbon? At least it didn't take 342,755 hours to bead as my veil did.)

So anyway, anyone wanna fly us around?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

The subject of children

Not long ago J and I were talking about the names of our future kids. He was shocked to know that I had now decided against everything we'd thought of when we were dating. (I'm not sure why this shocked him. He loves to point out that all I wanted was a quiet wedding on the beach, then he gave me this sparkling rock and I suddenly decided on a blowout). We rediscussed names and I'm not sure we made any decisions. I know there is one or two we're both on board with. I'm not really concerned considering when I've got my foot in stirrups birthing a watermelon I feel certain my opinions will trump his.

We discussed other baby related topics too. Such as, I hate infant "potty chairs." (I'm not judging people, put down the stones. Also, this will most likely bite me in the ass so calm down.) I think we should just teach mini-me to climb on the regular toilet with the help of a little stool. (Also, quit rolling your eyes that I'm clueless. Of course I'm clueless, but I was a nanny for 5 years and have seen this work. Those kids are also mostly normal.) J disagreed. (I know, what the...?) This is how that conversation went:

Me: You, the "I hate all baby bodily fluids and will hold them and love them when they are clean and happy" are in favor of an infant potty seat? Even though you come in close contact with pee and poop and have to clean it out of that little bowl?

J: Oh, I thought you'd do that.

I think I won. He's designing little stools right now.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Of course...

Yesterday as I was scratching my boob (Shut up! It was a small scratch and I had an itch. It's not like you've never done it!) and looking at picture albums online, the CEO walks by. He stares long and hard at my screen as he saunters through the office. I know this because I can see him through the rearview on my computer. I pretended everything was normal and kept browsing.

Then, today I'm listening to my mp3 player while being totally absorbed in writing an entry for my blog when said CEO came up behind me and said my name what I can presume was three times before I came out of my zone and heard it.

I'm awesome.

I bet I can expect a good talkin' to about such instances.

I want to kiss Google


How did I ever live without Google in my life? Moreso, all of Google's nifty applications. I get so excited over it all that I could pee my pants (don't worry, I've peed these before.)

A month or so ago I decided to give Google reader a try. It was so fabulous I wanted to make-out with it! Also, it's much more discreet to idley read blogs when oh, I don't know, the CEO walks by me. Do you use Google reader? You should! It will change your life!

Next, the calendar. J was (whining/griping/ok, just saying) that he never seems to know what our plans are because they're all in my nifty little planner in my purse. I pointed out that I always tell him when I book an engagement and ususally consult with him before accepting or extending invitations. Yes, says he, but he doesn't remember those. Fine, enter (drum roll please) Google Calendar! First, I put down all of the plans I make (have made) for me or us. Then, I went to his email, created him a calendar, and put down the items I knew he had on the agenda. Then (oh my gosh it gets better) I synced them! I'm pink, he's blue, it's the cutest little calendar you've ever seen! We both know when the other makes changes and oh, it's lovely.

I've also downloaded Google Desktop on my laptop and WOW! there is so much to do! I suddenly have had to revive my pocket pc so that I can send love letters to Google from anywhere there is a wireless connection. I may even have to get my phone online.

Google--you've made my anal retentive, super-organized, OCD life so much better! I'm totally baking you cookies.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I do believe this defines tacky

Two weeks ago I received a wedding invitation. Via Facebook.

Say it with me friends: TACKY!

The invitation was from a guy whom I was friends with in college. We both were in the same group of friends for several years. I graduated in four years (what was I thinking? I should have crammed my four years into five or six!) and most of them hung around for fifth, sixth (and seventh) years. We drifted apart as we graduated/moved/married/etc. and only occasionally chatted through messages on the above or other social networking sites. I never sent said person a wedding invitation or anything. In fact there is only one person from said group that is a friend today, likewise, I'm the only one that she is friends with as well. Not that the others aren't friends, but more of acquaintances now. Once we graduated, etc. I realized the only thing had in common with most of them was college.

As I looked at the invitation with disbelief I realized he apparently feels about 400 other people are fabulous friends who get the rocking Facebook invites. As I browsed through the list I realized we knew several people in common whom I didn't associate with him. I suppose he's as good of friends with them as he is me.

I won't be sending a gift. Had I gotten a proper invitation, I'd have at least sent a gift. However in this situation I suppose my thinking is one rude gesture deserves another. I know I know, my Southern manners are slipping. But seriously, a Facebook invite? I didn't even check the NO box on the screen. I refused to even acknowledge the dreadful thing.

Have any of you had similar situations? What do you think about sending such invites via online means?

Monday, June 11, 2007

It was lovely, really it was.

If ever given the opportunity to go Apeshit, I highly recommend it. It's rather tourist friendly with charming people and beautiful views. The food wasn't bad either.

You all are really too sweet. I appreciate all of the "Where are you?", "I'm stalking you!", and "I miss you!" comments. However I'm concerned about the person wearing the "I (Heart) Mrs. M's Blog" t-shirt peering through my window and using their small pocket pc....

Friday, June 01, 2007

Today's post brought to you by the letter "A"

Some people are Asshats. Not matter what they'll always be Asshats. Asshats is my new favorite Adjective to describe these special people. (Ok, so here I'm using it as a noun, but it can totally be an Adjective.)

I mostly still Aspire to get away from said Asshats, although I also Aspire that it will be through a different Avenue. Get me?

I'm Aware that perhaps I need a different Attitude. I'm also Aware that if you Approach me with that suggestion right now, I'll kick you in the.... (see Above).

I'm also rather Annoyed with the Ants that have taken over my kitchen. I could handle them crawling around the sink a little and following the peanut butter spoon to the dishwasher. Nothing gave me more joy than watching them all gather there and then turning on the high temp wash for a good 30 seconds with an evil laugh! But now, oh now, those little bastards (Astards?) have gone too far. Over the weekend they found their way Across the kitchen and up to the high cabinets and they Ate my cereal. THEY ATE MY CEREAL! We've done everything. The only option I see left is to empty the house and burn it down and watch those little Astards burn! But that would be Arson. That's not my thing.

Lastly, I'm going Absolutely Apeshit. I'll let you know when I return.

Just kidding, one more thing. I want an Apple. Perhaps in it's more sophisticated form of an Appletini.

National Leave the Office Early Day

Hey, I didn't make it up. It didn't say how early. I'm thinking noon.