Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I'm leaving on a jet plane

I'm off to sunny, beautiful, eighty degree Florida tonight. I'm catching a late flight and should arrive to meet my hubby at midnight. He left yesterday for a work conference and I'm going to meet him for the, uh, pool and beach. We'll be back on Sunday evening. Luckily just in time for me to jump off the plane and head to Belk for the private shopping event (where ticket holders enjoy the entire store at 20% discount, even the sale prices!) because I have priorities people!

Because I'm a sweet little wife I woke up bright and early, scratch that, there was nothing bright about five in the morning so it was just early, to take him to the airport yesterday morning. Synopsis of morning: After a forty minute drive home that should have taken only twenty five but I was in the wrong exit lane and couldn't get back over because of the idiot drivers so therefore had to take an extensive detour which did not route me by Starbucks as was the original plan I was on the adjacent street only moments before turning on to our street and thus a mile from the house when pooch hurls in the backseat. For the love of everything good you've got to be kidding me. Luckily his vomit doesn't smell.

After work I went to babysit for a couple of hours. I love Iz and Hut. Iz was only three when I first started watching them and now is going to middle school (boooo hoooo!). Hut was an infant and is now in first grade. He had a big head and lots of slobber. I fell in love with him instantly. How time flies! It was fun to see them for a few hours and Iz made me one rockin' ice cream sundae (moose tracks, chocolate syrup, whip cream, sprinkles) and even gave me a few whip cream shots straight from the can. I know, I'm one A plus babysitter.

That was definitely the highlight of my evening as I don't care for sleeping alone. I don't mind having a few hours to myself because I was able to clean like a mad woman with my music blasting and no one got in my way, less pooch who got a work out chasing the vacuum cleaner. One day he'll catch it, one day! However, come bedtime, I get nervous. Even in light of recent home security drills, I just don't like it. Thankfully it was only one night and J's travel season isn't too bad.

So let's get to the point of this post which is my flight. I booked my flight online and couped the rental car with it for an added discount. I had great flight prices of $49 down and $84 back. Not too shabby. Of course there were taxes, and segment fees (and that is what exactly?), and PFC (yes, explanation please), and security fees, and fees for breathing on the plane, and fees for each finger. Geesh. But do you want to know my favorite fees? Do you? The first would be the $9.50 convenience fee also listed as miscellaneous. This would be the fee for me booking Allegiant through Allegiant. Well golly gee whiz Allegiant. Thanks for the convenience. Because there are tons of other choices out there, right? My second favorite fee, which I didn't notice until I printed the receipt, was the $22 seat selection fee. Uh, scuze me? All I did was click "ok" when you showed me the seat on the littled color coded plane map. I thought seat 12A looked good enough to me. What I didn't know is that it's prime real estate to the tune of $22.

See, what ha-happened was Allegiant Air does not do assigned seating. You can make requests upon arrival but there are no guarentees. However, you can buy prime real estate for the ridiculous price of $22. I'm sure there was a hidden little button somewhere that read "save me my money and put me anywhere!" but even if I'd have found it it would have probably moved when I tried to click it. I'm going to have to sneak around airport poles unloading seat estate on the black market of the tarmac. "Psssst! Hey--hey you! I've go seat 12A going for only $25. Wait--wait---I'll take $24! $23!...."

Do you know what didn't get past me? That was the $5 per bag fee. I was only planning on taking a carry-on anyway because I'm a good packer and it would save so much time. But now I'm 'fo'sho only taking the carry-on. And you're going to benefit Internet. I'm going to give you a crash course on my light packing, just you wait!

The antics don't end there! You simply must hear the rental car experience. Apparently all the places close at 11. My flight lands at 10:50 so that's cutting it close even providing everything goes well. When booking my car with the flight I could save a little cash (which they happily took in fees) and also acutally book a car since all the other sites said my pick-up time was too late. I called the car rental place to double check everything. Let's see how it went.

Car Place (CP): Hey di rah at ala cah how canuh hep ya.
Me: (????) Hi, is this Alamo rental car?
CP: yah.
Me: Ok, Hi there. This is Mrs. M. I'm flying in on Wednesday the 16th at 10:50 and wanted to make sure that you would still be open since the website states you close at 11.
CP: yah we be heuh.
Me: Excuse me?
CP: yah.
Me: Yes?
CP: yah.
Me: Ok, um, I suppose that's a yes. In the event my flight is delayed will I still be able to pick up my car?
CP: jus fola duh udda fudda nie peepuh gittin dey cah too.
Me: Excuse me?
CP: jus fola duh udda fudda nie peepuh gittin dey cah too.
Me: Uh. There are forty nine people needing a car? I just need mine, and that's one car. For me. Mrs. M. At eleven p.m. on Wednesdey the 16th.
CP: we be heuh.

Oh for the love! All I have to say is that Rah (Rob? Rod?) best have me a slammin' jalopi pulled up, stopped parked, rims still spinnin' when I arrive.

(Thanks again Chingy for that great song in which I quote).


Zoe D. said...

HAHAHA! Too funny! I used to work at Alamo at the airport here. Have a great trip!! I'm soooooo jealous!

Kristen Miller said...

Lol! That's hilarious. :) I love the commentary on the ticket purchase...but my favorite must be the retal car call play by play. I'm sure your jalopi will be fly. No worries!

By the way...I have no idea what the heck a segment fee is but PFC's are "airport facility charges".