Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Blame it on the Rain way down in Kokomo

Today is my dad's birthday. He woud have been 50. Fifty!! That's so young, yet he's not here.

It's weird because I'm painfully aware of this day all month long. Then I forgot about it until I randomly looked at my calendar. I don't want to be sad, but sometimes it's the only emotion I can feel. I want to be my normal chipper self and talk and laugh about his life but sometimes that's still hard. I try really hard to do it that way though, it's my preferred method and I'm sure that would make him happy. That said, I'll never be over it, I'll never be ok, I'll never understand, I'll never stop grieving.

I heard to of my favorite old songs on my way home to lunch today (see title) and was strangely comforted. And then I cried, a lot. I want to kick, scream, cry, and yell because it's so unfair that he lived for such a short time, and that since his death my family has fallen apart. I feel like an orphan most of the time. Yup, just throw my a curly red wig and a mop bucket and I'll give you a little song and dance.

I rest and find comfort in the fact that I will see my dad again. I will one day meet my earthly father and Heavenly Father together. The rage, confusion, and sadness will be gone; I'll forget my questios. I will rejoice.

But for today I'll remember him share a little piece with you. A glimpse at where I got my craftiness. He did amazing things with wood, saws, and paintbrushes.

The jewelery box my dad made for me. He cut, painted, an everything. (The blurry spot would be my "real" name.) There is a lock on the top and the inside has lots of little hooks and posts for my goodies.

My rabbit puzzle. He did the cutting, painting, etc.
My Easter basket. Can you believe he cut and painted all of those bunnines?


laurenjean said...

thank you so much for sharing those pictures of the beautiful work your day did, and i am so sorry that this day caused you some pain. the memories that we have of our loved ones are gifts and we should always try to smile when they are in our minds. i always like to think that they have the best seat in the house when it comes to the story of our life and arent missing a single thing and i am sure your dad is nice and comfy in the front row :-)

JayJenny said...

I'm so very sorry that the anniversary date brings along with it so many emotions and grief over your father. I'm sure he was an amazing man - you're proof of that! Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. I think Lauren said it best - he's your biggest fan in the front row.

Thinking of you and sending hugs... love you!

Zoe D. said...

Wow! He was truly talented!! You definately take after him:)

Cakabaker said...

Your dad was very talented!
Yeah it sucks doesn't it? I do the same thing when Adam's birthday is here (insert: my son who died in 2001 at the age of 16. I will blob about him later.) Adam's bday is coming up (11-12) so I know what you are going through.
Hang in there kid, we'll get through this together :)

Christy said...

I'm sorry about your dad. What great treasures to have though of the things he made for you.

Platinum Rose said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I can't imagine the pain you must feel every year as another birthday of his rolls around. Life just isn't fair lots of times. He did an amazing job on those gifts you now treasure as part of his memory.