Southerness

This is for all you darlin's who were raised in the South, or wish they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.We know you got here as fast as you could. If you're still in the North, well shugah I'm just tryin to provide some insight for y'all! Enjoy!


SOUTHERN WOMEN
Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin
A winning smile
That unforgettable Southern drawl
(I often hear comments about my accent and boy do we believe in skin care regimes down here!)

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy!"
(If you're Reese you add a special word on that last one, now don't you Reese?)

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart." (this is how we talk about people, we follow wtih "bless his/her heart" and it's ok!)
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Hot & Humid
Hot & Humid
Hot & Humid
(ain't that the truth!)

Southern women know their vacation spots:

The beach
The rivuh
The crick
The mount'uns

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful high-heeled sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint
Monogrammed bags and big floppy hats

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah
Sweethawt

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Presbyterian
Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly
Mimosas

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern Charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna
Nazshville

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit , and that you don't "HAVE" them, you"PITCH" them.
(I try to pitch one of each daily....whether I need to or not!)

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, salad greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to the market, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not arequest for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They migh tnot use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.

If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' whitetrash. (Amen shugah! Amen!)

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, averb, or an adverb. (I don't use this one regularly but there are plenty who do).

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ....and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody! (Sho' do darlin'!)

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin',"you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweetmilk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it-- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say ,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way. (Unless your Reese. She does not discrimate in who she screams at!)

To those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."