Dear Target

Dear Target,

I feel quite certain you know of my love for you. I visit you at least weekly, sometimes multiple times. I parade up and down your majestic aisles "oohing" and "aahing" over your lovely items. I snatch your little red ticketed items in a frenzy. Oh I'm a sucker for your little red ticketed "clearance" items, even if they're only pennies less than the original price. You know you are among my top choices of make-out partners (next to Pottery Barn, Williams Sonoma, The Home Depot, and of course, my husband!).

That being said my darling Target, you've saddened me. You see I popped inside your doors last evening with a few items to get quickly. Of course by quickly I mean I made my usual rounds in a hurried manner while getting the items I needed. But darling Target, do you know what I saw as I began my usual route? Do you?

I saw swimsuits. Yes--swimsuits. Target my dear, the high here yesterday was a balmy 19 degrees. I'm wearing down and fur and a scarf; all at the same time! Furthermore I'm carrying about a little more of me than I'd like to be with all that eating, drinking, and being merry from Thanksgiving straight into the New Year. And my legs, oh my legs. They've not seen a razor in longer than I'd like to admit. Yes, I know you have a beautiful selection of razors on aisle 9 but the truth is it's cold her and the hair provides a bit more isulation and warmth since I enjoy wearing skirts and dresses often (from you, no less!). And also, I think the hair pokes right through legwear and helps to hold my boots up. I'm just saying!

So in ending this Target, my lover, I do not understand why you think this is an opportune time to display the scanty swatches of fabric you call a swimsuit. Let's wait til, eh, March and redisplay when I'm feeling a bit better about myself, what do you say?

With all my love and leg hair,
Mrs. M