Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The Truths of Holidays Foods and Weight Loss

Stop what you're doing and eat a Christmas Tree Cake!

Today, much to my dismay, I weighed myself. I gingerly stepped onto the scale and looked down barely opening one eye to see the results. And you know what? I was exactly the same! (Go on, continue the cheering, clapping, and woohoo-ing!) The laws of physics say I should be a hippo by now.

So I know what you're thinking (especially you there rolling your eyes with a smirk), I must be one of those super-skinny, pinky-finger sized women with a skyrocketing metabolism that eats whatever she wants and never gains a pound. Oh no! No, No, No, No, No! I wish it were true because I'd be way happy about that, but it's not true, so not true.

However I've found some things that are obviously true given my recent experiences:

  1. Eating Christmas Tree Cakes for breakfast every morning for two-weeks, is an obvious metabolism booster! (Take that impostors!)
  2. Corn dogs, french fries, and potato wedges are healthy and should be eaten often. Even twice during a two-day time frame!
  3. Making an large batch of seven layer bars, and eating half of it doesn't count! The half you shared cancels out the half you ate.
  4. Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners containing large amounts of chicken n' dumplins, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, all other imaginable casseroles as well as fabulous salads like cranberry salad and pasta salad, actually burn calories! It takes more calories to eat those fabulous dishes than are even contained in them.
  5. Deviled Eggs are a food group, healthier than the fruits and vegetables food group.
  6. Snacking (more preferably noted as "grazing") often on tasty treats such as Christmas Candy, Reese's Cups, Chips, Chips and Dips, Dips straight out of the container, is favorable for keeping your tummy full, thus happy, thus making it not want to hold onto fats and make you gain weight.
  7. Sodas, regular sodas that is, and Sweet Tea (real, Southern, TN sweet tea and Pal's Tea) is just as pure and healthy as water, only tastier!!! Oh, and wine! Don't forget the wine!
  8. Eating out is the new black! Be sure to order things such as fried chicken tenders, honey shrimp cantonese, loaded baked potatoes, and any sort of tasty looking pasta bathed in cream sauce.

So there you have it. I know it's contrary to everything you've ever been taught but that above mentioned method proved true for me during the most fattening (and wonderful!) time of the year. Here's to corn dogs, sweet tea, green bean casserole, and Reese's Cups! And of course, long live Christmas Tree Cakes!

1 comment:

R*belle said...

I certainly hope that number 7 is true, as it is the rule that I live by.