Paying my Dues

I'm a regular over at Beth's Fish Tank. She was tagged on a "Five Things You Don't Know About Me" and reversed the tables and challenged her readers to ask "most outrageous, inappropriate, entertaining, or just plain hilarious (to me) questions and answer them." Then....oh boy...THEN...she turned it on us and said we have to answer the question we asked, along with four others.

Now being the angel I am, my question isn't bad. But the others? Well they're not exactly PG. But to play fair. I'm participating. Because they are rather entertaining I'm going to answer most that apply, but several don't. (I'm not a mother, vegetarian, I have never and never plan on watching porn and my sex life is between J and I.....) Here we go:

1. My Question: Tell me about your religious views, how you were raised, how you think, etc. Certainly this covers all the bases since sex is on here and you've already professed you're liberal."

I'm a Christian. I believe that God came to earth in the form of a baby born on Christmas, was crucified and rose again on Easter. I believe that Jesus saved me from my sins for my sheer asking all because of His mercy and grace. I believe being a Christian is so much more than being "religious" and isn't about "organized religion" (which I do not think is possible!) and more about a relationship, a real relationship with God, the Sovereign God is my Creator and Savior. I don't believe that my good (or bad) works have anything to do with my going to or not going to Heaven. I believe in eternal Grace. I also believe that maintaining that relationship with God is a necessity.

I first went to a small Baptist Church as a toddler. Then went to a Pentecostal Church. Moved a couple hundred miles and started going to a Baptist Church. In college I found a Baptist Church and the moved on to what is perceived as "non-denominational" but is actually Evangelical Free. I don't feel that I need to be put in a box and labeled as to what kind of protestant that I am, but it seems my beliefs fall closely with that of the Presbyterian, which is largely that of the Evangelical Free. I cut my hair if I want to, I can wear make-up and jewelry, hey--I even wear jeans to church! I see no problem with drinking alcohol in moderation (and I mostly keep it that way) and believe it or not the occasional curse word escapes my precious angelic like lips.

I'm, a Christian, I'm not perfect, but I try everyday to be the woman that God wants me to be and has called me to be.

Oh, and I'm a raging conservative, you could probably tell that.

2. Where were you when you lost your virginity?
A Bed

3. Have you ever been busted doing something totally inappropriate?
I was so busted for laying out of class my senior year of high school. I suppose that was considered inappropriate. OH, I've sent emails being not so nice to the person they shouldn't have went to by mistake. That sucked! Luckily she loves me and we made it all ok.

4. List the things you have done that are illegal.
Well, egging houses is illegal, I think. Is scratching the one ex-boyfriend's car illegal? I've forged names on documents. I've drove in excess of the speed limit. I've tipped off....wait wait wait a minute...what?

5. What is the oldest thing in your house?
The oldest things that are personally mine are my pillow, my eeyore, and my little girl bedroom furniture in one of the guest rooms that is cutsy tutsy and white. We have several items that are antiques and that are older than I am including a desk, the china cabinet, dining table and chairs, another set of dining chairs, coffee table, buffet, an armchair, the mantle, sewing machine cabinet,.....I think that's about it. I love antiques!

6. Did you ever have sex on your parents' bed? And, if so, do your parents read this blog? And if they do are they going to totally freak out when they find out? :)
My dad is dead, my mom has more personalities than a three ring circus, thus I don't see the bed from anyone who would be known as parents to me. If my mom has somehow found her way to my anonymous blog, then I'm sure she has more issues than my sex life. However my grandmother was a lurker for a while here.....she may learn a few things about me if she's still reading. Hi Grammy!!

7. Have you ever had an out of body experience? Describe in detail.
I've had dreams that were freakishly real feeling, especially those of being knocked up in high school and college. I don't remember a lot about them now so that's about all the details you get.

8. What is your secret, comfort food indulgence that you are embarrassed to admit because some may find it disgusting?
Well, it's not disgusting but there is a toddler inside my body and I enjoy macaroni and cheese and cheerios. Not together, but they are "comfort food" I suppose.

9. Name a "bad" thing you did as a child or teenager that no one ever found out about.
Did you not know I was an angel child? I was perfect? I did nothing wrong? Ok, maybe that was just to my grandparents. But seriously, I was a rather goody-two-shoes. However I did have little parties when my parents were away for the weekend in high school. Not throw down shin-digs obviously. Oh, and (are you ready?) I had boys over. Yes I did. A few of my girlfriends and I would all hang out at my house with our boyfriends for the night....scandalous, I know!

Oh, and one time I broke something when I sneaked (snuk?) in my parents house through the window because I forgot the key. I just pretended it didn't happen and they never said anything. I also didn't tell them I came home that day when they were way. Oops...

10.Complete this sentence: In my refrigerator/kitchen/pantry, you can always find:
Refrigerator: Beer, Wine, Milk, Cheese, Salad
Kitchen: Fish, Plants, Table, Kitchen Aid Appliances out the Wazoo, a picture of J and I feeding each other wedding cake.
Pantry: Pasta, Skyline Chili, Coffee, Brownie Mix, Soup

11. Name an item you secretly covet, but haven't told anyone about because it doesn't make any sense for you to want such a thing .
Hmm, this is tough. I'd love to have my own jet, but I suppose that doesn't make much sense. So perhaps I'll go with a yacht, still, not much sense since I'm landlocked in these parts. We do have the river however! On a more serious note I'd love for J and I to have a small cottage on the lake as a weekend/summer home one day. He says this is entirely possible if we forgo having children. On a smaller scale I sometimes consider Tivo. There are some great decor type shows that come on in the middle of the day that I'd like to see. I don't watch a lot of TV but cannot sit down at my house to watch a movie at all. I just cross off a block of time and sit down like that. Must be the toddler living in my body. Anyway, even if I had Tivo I wonder if I'd actually watch the stuff I Tivo'd.

12. Name five movies you could watch over and over OR five places you'd like to go on vacation.
Movies: Mary Poppins, My Girl, Save the Last Dance, Center Stage, Sixteen Candles
Places: Europe (Italy, France, London, Ireland...), New England (Martha's Vineyard, the Hampton's), Bora Bora, The Grand Canyon and all that entails in the midwest, Home

13. Assuming you sleep naked, if there was a fire, would you rather have to run outside in only your socks, your undies or your bra?
Well, I sleep in undies and a tank top at the very least and would probably grab a blanket as I darted out the window. Trust me, I've had to time to think on this since this incident because my mind works freaky like that. Seriously though, as long as J and I make it out I wouldn't care. The fire would just exuberate my hot smokin' rack and bottom.

14. If you had to pick-which would you choose?
1. The Bikini Wax 2.The Brazilian Bikini 3.The Playboy Bikini Wax 4.The Sphinx
Um, I'm familiar with 1 and 2 and have no desire to learn about 3 and 4. I'm scared now.

15. What is the scariest place you've lived (i.e. scary neighborhood or scary apartment, etc)?
I have a special knack for freaking myself out over nothing so I can be scared silly almost anywhere. However, A and I lived in this awesome old house in college and I would seriously hear things. I don't at all believe in ghosts or spirits, but I believe there was something lurking in that house. I'd be the only one there and attempting to sleep at midnight when all is quiet and would hear water running in the attic and footsteps of someone walking above me. Not like mice or birds scurrying, but a persons footsteps. It was way freaky. I also inquired with Mrs. R, the fabulous lady who let me have a part in raising her children as their nanny, and she confirmed hearing the same things when she lived there in college. Freaky I tell you! Nothing ever bothered me so if it was ghost or spirit it was friendly. I still don't believe in that stuff...but do have those unexplained recurrences.

16. What's your most embarrassing moment?
I suppose my boob nearly popping out of my dress when I kissed J at our wedding should be pretty embarrassing, but strangely, I don't care.

17. If you found out, irrefutably, that [your husband] was having an affair, would you stay or would you go?
Actually, he'd go. I'd stay in the house, with the cars, and the bank accounts. He would leave with nothing, and by nothing I mean I'd castrate him and keep his balls in the top drawer where they belong.

18. If you found out [your husband] wanted a sex change would you support him and share your sexy yoga pants with him.
I'd assist him with the operation by castration and bidding him adieu in his new life. As Beth says, I prefer to sleep with someone who has a penis. And no sharing my sexy yoga pants, I'm a foot shorter than him and he'd look really funny.