Antics of my Husband

Episode One

J: Hey Cupcake, I found a hair on my plate from the cabinet.
Me: (slightly dramatic) Ewww! That's so gross! I knew there would be dog dander and fur everywhere!
J: It was long, and brown.It wasn't Mack's.

Episode Two
(while making out with my husband...)

Me: (Pfft. Pfft. Pushing something around and out of my mouth) There is something in my mouth.
J: What?
Me: I keep getting bits of something in my mouth.
J: Oh, I just ate an almond hershey bar, and there was an almond stuck in my tooth.